Courtesy of Juvenile Comedy - which apparently no longer exists.
Some of my favorites:
3.) Let's play war. I'll lay down, and you have sex with my penis.
4.) I'm going to stare at your boobs now. Here I go.
7.) Your hair smells like bacon. Do you work at Denny's?
11.) My magic watch says you have genital herpes. You don't? Oh, then I guess it must be an hour fast.
17.) Do you wash your clothes in Windex? Because ammonia gives me a huge boner.
20.) They call me Snowstorm, cause I give you 1-2 inches and make your life a bit more annoying for a week or so.
23.) I was hoping you could settle a bet between me and my friend here. He says your eyes are naturally blue, and I say that you're a filthy, dirty whore.
26.) *Snap fingers. Point at crotch.*